Handling marital hatred

Marital hatred, for many reasons, springs up in a relationship that commenced with unwavering love. Irrespective of the initial counsel as to what is required of the parties involved in wedlock, certain unhealthy occurrences still arise. Quite unfortunate. Therefore, one begins to wonder what could be responsible for such an experience. Perhaps it’s normal in a marital setting to occasionally have it sour and consequently result in hatred. However, regardless of the degree, hatred is negative. When it occurs efforts should be intensified to address it. Handling marital hatred is, no doubt, a key solution to many problems associated with dissatisfaction in marriage

Experience shows that hatred can either happen at an early stage or even in a long-term relationship. But then, what constitutes reasonable, in either case, may not necessarily be the same. At any rate, it takes two to tangle. Depending on the course, hatred occasionally occurs in any relationship.

Categories of hatred in marriage

Marital hatred can be discoursed under two categories.

Casual hatred

All hatred that is temporary in nature is described as casual. And this is because it can easily be erased out of the mind of the aggrieved party. At times, husband and wife hate each other because of simple reasons that can be addressed with an ordinary apology- I am sorry

A woman made it clear in her explanation that she hated her spouse because of his nonchalant attitude. In this circumstance, the cause does not constitute any threat to the relationship. The woman in question may perhaps consider it as a deficiency on the part of her husband, though she dislikes the idea.

There is the possibility that one might hate her spouse because of his mode of dressing. But that does not stop them from sleeping on the same bed. It is not sufficient for anyone to divorce on account of casual hatred. In effect, a little effort can make a change for the better.

Chronic hatred

This describes a total dislike usually resulting from a terrible misdeed by someone to his/her spouse. Incidences such as betraying of trust and unfaithfulness are capable of resulting in chronic hatred. The pain usually sustained in each of the circumstances remains indelible in the mind of the affected person. And it takes a whole lot of patience, ignoring and forgiveness to overlook the act in order to continue the relationship.

Often, issues of chronic hatred snowball into divorce. More devastating is marital infidelity. Obviously, hatred emanating on account of cheating can be difficult to forget.

Causes of hatred in marriage

Generally, many things are responsible for hatred in marriage. But then, it is good to state that perceptions of hatred depend, sometimes, on an individual. In any event, hatred is hatred notwithstanding its nature. Nevertheless, the following are the causes of marital hatred.

Disrespect of one’s spouse – One sure way to attract hatred is to disrespect your partner in a relationship. Most men, in particular, don’t joke with respect.
Irresponsibility – Lack of adequate care for the need of your partner is an index of irresponsibility. The direct consequence is, no doubt, hatred. It is a clear deficiency on the partner’s part who could not measure up to an expectation.
Lifestyle – The way of life of one’s partner can attract, outright, hatred if it does not add value to their marriage. In most cases, this happens as a result of character change in marital life.
Nonchalant attitude – A carefree attitudinal person lacks proactiveness on marital issues. Therefore, many things are likely to go wrong. This can always result into hatred, particularly, if there is no improvement after sometimes.
The unbalanced likeness between spouse and siblings – There should be a gauge and balance on love and likeness for one’s siblings and spouse respectively. Though your siblings are your blood relation, your real love is for your partner in a relationship.
In-laws influence – Hatred is certain in any home where couples entertain unnecessary advice or directive from in-laws.
Hanging on past relationship – Past relationship better remains with the past. It is quite unhealthy to linger at the expense of one’s marriage. How to manage Ex-lover is important, with a view to protecting your new marriage
Mental disorder/Depression – Personal challenges bothering depression and mental conditions are responsible for hatred in some homes.
Infidelity in marriage – Usually hatred resulting from marital infidelity is an enduring one. It is not easily overlooked. And can be more devastating.
Violation of trust – It’s an heartbreaking issue with devastating implications that could result in acute hatred.
Not responding to the emotional feelings of one’s partner – Basically, sex is fundamental, and a good machinery for settling marital disputes. Unfortunately, some men are finding it difficult to satisfy the sexual urge of their spouses.

How to handle marital hatred

In any capacity, hatred is an unconcealed way of expressing dislike. Never mind the nature or degree of hatred, it is an indication of dissatisfaction. Many things as we have noticed above are, no doubt, the cause of hatred. Incidentally, marital hatred is an internal issue. Therefore, the reasons and solutions for handling marital hatred are usually around the corner. As a matter of fact, one should be proactive on marital issues.

Hatred in marriage does not just appear without preceding observation. Normally, one of the parties must have, earlier, raised an observation in the direction of what he/she dislikes. A nonchalant attitude or not responding to complaints of his spouse can lead straight to hatred.

In an attempt to proffer solution, two major questions come to mind.

Why did I hate my spouse?
Can a change in character improve the situation?

A good answer to each of the questions is ultimately the beginning of a solution to the problem in question. Though it is not an easy task, a sincere effort becomes necessary. It, however, takes a level-headed partner to take steps with the intention to address the issue. Resolve marital issues without a third party. is more preferable Having known this, the next line of action is to initiate the steps as follows:

Steps required in handling marital hatred

State the reason(s) why you hate your spouse.
Consider them in turn to determine their genuineness.
Eliminate those that are casual.
Study your spouse to determine his/her mood.
Determine the right time and place for an intimate discussion.
Invite your spouse for discussion.
In your discussion, open up on the reason why you dislike his/her style or character as the case may be. ( discard unnecessary arguments in the process ).
Suggest a better way on how to strengthen marital relationship, and encourage him/her always on how cherish his/her spouse.

However, there are circumstances where your spouse suddenly develops hatred towards you. This can be determined in two ways.

When you know the reason for the hatred.
When you don’t know why your spouse hates you.

In either of the two, what is important is your ability to take it upon yourself to initiate a solution. It takes two to quarrel.

Adjust your style by eliminating the cause of the hatred.
Approach your spouse at the appropriate time and place with the intention to address any reason for the hatred.

Generally, hatred happens in marriage. Notwithstanding the nature and extent, it does not in most cases blind love. But the same can be affected in a way. And as soon as appropriate steps are taken, with the ultimate intent, to address issues, love is refreshed. Consequently, handling marital hatred requires earnest attention to forestall acute hatred.

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My name is Muyideen Elemoro. I am a Nigerian from Ibeju -Lekki Local government in Lagos State. I reside in Abuja, Nigeria.
I am a retired Civil Servant. Presently, I am a marketer and Blogger.
Essentially I write on marital and other related issues. I engage, as a part-time, in Marriage seminar and other related issues.