Generally to be unfaithful in marriage is cruel. The affected spouse will definitely sustain an injury in the heart. At the initial stage of the occurrence, the confidence is injured and the trust is betrayed. Many things will go wrong. However, once infidelity is established, the next step is to correct the wrong. Correct the wrong and re-establish love on the existing platform. Though it is not easy, there is always a way out. It all depends on the application and method adopted in handling infidelity. Handling marital infidelity without a third party suggests a more efficient way of handling unfaithfulness in marriage.
Infidelity in marriage is any act that connotes cheating on one’s spouse. Certain things in marriage are exclusive in nature. Those things that are meant for marital confidence required no third party. Therefore in marriage, it is unfaithful to romance or have sex with a person other than your spouse.
Causes of marital infidelity
Knowing the usual causes of marital infidelity is important. The knowledge gives impetus on how to effect corrections as appropriate. And particularly to guide against re-occurrence. The following are common reasons for marital infidelity :
Spousal dissatisfaction in bed – This occurs when one could not satisfy his/her spouse sexually. As a major aspect of marital life, satisfaction is the watchword. However, this depends on the ability of the two. Incessant complaints in this activity can result in infidelity. Often some women complained about their spouses’ inability to drive them home.
Risk in a couple living separately – The chance of an extramarital affair is high where couples live separately. An excellent way out is to put regular across, should regular visiting is hampered due to distance or business activities.
Lack of quality attention – Where a partner is not given the proper attention. Attention in this regard means providing the right comfort at the right time.
Sex addiction – This refers to people who cannot do without having sex.
Lifestyle – The way of life has a direct impact on individual perception and reaction to issues. Therefore behavioural orientation of an individual determines the way he/she lives.
When a party cheat on the other – Some people consider this as a way of revenge, in return for secret sex by their spouses.
Peers’ influence – Usually the kind of associate you keep defines who you are. It has a direct influence on one’s lifestyle.
Influence of social media – It occurs when the use of social media is not guided. A wife or a husband can be corrupted through immoral information or images.
For monetary purposes – In the course of looking for monetary assistance some people fall prey. And this explains the potential risk involved in the habit.
Effects of infidelity on marriage
Infidelity leads to acute hatred – Hatred sets in, the moment trust is betrayed. Hatred is a resultant effect of infidelity in any marital setting.
Absolute disrespect – Either a wife or a husband stands to lose the spouse’s respect for not being faithful. Normally incidence of infidelity brings about disrespect between a couple.
It brings about distrust – It is a fact that no trust can subsist where love is betrayed. So there would not be trust between the parties, once love is injured.
A threat to marriage – Infidelity is one marital offence that can easily damage existing relationships. No doubt, it constitutes a threat to marital bonds.
It triggers violence – Violence resumes the moment infidelity is established. Of course, it is natural for the injured party to react to any act of unfaithfulness in marriage. In most cases, the trouble continues until appropriate steps are considered necessary.
Marital unfaithfulness affects children’s social life – Violation of existing love and peace in marriage does affect children. It has a negative impact on child-rearing under this condition.
Infidelity can lead straight to divorce – Unless effective steps are considered before the situation degenerates, divorce is sure;
Extramarital relationship reduces marital status – Unless where it is kept secret, the relationship attracts no public respect.
Possibility of handling marital infidelity
Notwithstanding the amount of damage caused by infidelity, steps can be taken toward reconciliation. There is always a chance for the two parties to come together. It is natural to have misunderstandings irrespective of the nature or causes. The important thing is to ensure that the relationship continues. Though it is not an easy task in the face of heartbreak. At any rate, handling marital infidelity without a third party reflects a mature way to resolve issues.
‘A man was caught in a desperate romance with another woman at a party. Of course, his wife reacted. Unfortunately, the issue became worse and resulted in them leaving separately. It remained like that for almost a year. One day the wife approached me for advice. We discoursed for about 40mins. In her explanation, it was apparent that she loved her husband. She wouldn’t like to go to him for reconciliation. She claimed that he was responsible for the whole mess’.
On account of her explanation, I invited the man separately. In our discussion, I made it clear to him that his wife loves him dearly. In the end, I advised him to …………………. it’s all about sacrifice. Two months later both came to say hi.
People perceive and react to marital infidelity differently
Different people react to the same issue differently. What triggers Mr A’s annoyance may not necessarily move Mrs B. Issue of infidelity in marriage is never treated kindly. An aggrieved person, often, reacts almost without control. Men in most cases would not take it lightly. An average man whose wife engages in the act can lose his temper in reaction. 99% of men do not have the ability to overlook or condone such offences. All the same, some men prefer handling marital infidelity without a third party.
Women normally react immediately they perceive that their spouses are cheating on them. However, because of their tenderness and soft nature, they are able to put their temper under control. So with sincere explanation, apology, remorse, and kindness from their spouses, they forgive. Genuinely, many factors are responsible for women’s simplicity in this direction. Some of these are as follows;
People perceive and react to marital infidelity differently
To keep their marriage – No matter the situation some women still see a good reason to keep their marriage. This category of women doesn’t really see the need for breaking up. So they repeatedly sacrifice and take steps to correct wrong in the interest of love. Hence the need for marital reconciliation without a third party.
Love for their spouse – Where real love exists between lovers, it takes time to separate. Because of this, women always like to maintain relationships.
Fear of the unknown – Some couples prefer to manage situations, in order to avoid separation. This is because one cannot determine what happens after separation. So, they usually forgive themselves each time one wrongs the other.
Because of their children – Women don’t joke with their children’s lives.
Condition for effective reconciliation on infidelity
In an effort to bring about a solution, certain observations need to be made. Adequate observation in this regard will reveal the state of mind of individual husband and wife. With this revelation, one knows where and how to initiate reconciliation. Considering the disposition of both parties towards settlement is essential. In a critical situation where affection is lost, reconciliation can be, a little, difficult. In effect observation or test of reality can be helpful in a bid to reconcile. Particularly in an incident of infidelity.
- Observe that one of the parties still has love in his/her heart. – Irrespective of the extent, what matters is the existence of love in the mind of any of them.
- Note if the aggrieved party has a forgiving spirit – Having a forgiving spirit is an indication that he/she can forgive and forget.
- Whether the two parties can be reached personally – It is much easier to penetrate when the two can be visited. This is, however, better and more effective than where one is deliberately relocated.
- When it is observed that one or both parties are already tired and willing to reconcile – Occasionally both may be tired of staying separately, and as such, they want to reunite.
- Observe whether the issue has not attracted a third party yet – Most times reconciliation can be easier without a third party.
- Determine the extent of external influence – Reconciliation can sometimes be difficult depending on the nature of the influence.
- Observe that neither of them has settled with another lover – There are some instances where one of the parties immediately engages with another lover – It is quite possible that another lover is around the corner.
Handling marital infidelity without a third party
Handling marital infidelity without a third party is the easiest method. All it requires is to take a bold step in the right direction. It takes two to tangle, no apology without offence. Fundamentally, marital business exclusively involves husband and wife. Therefore it is natural for one to offend the other, in any capacity.
When one offends his/her spouse the next line of action is to arrange for a sincere apology.
The important tools needed for the concept of a solution without a third party are:
- Make a solid Intent for reconciliation;
- Determine the right time and place to meet your spouse for reconciliation;
- Show sincere remorse;
- Make a brief explanation(avoid argument);
- Tender unreserved apology;
- Make a sincere promise;
- Be kind enough to present your spouse with a quality gift.
A solution involving a third party
It is not out of place to invite an experienced consultant to mediate in the interest of peace and love. On the contrary, this becomes the appropriate option. Particularly where the notion of handling marital infidelity without a third party fails. And the whole situation is becoming terrible. Therefore, salvaging the situation becomes necessary.
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