Certain unpleasant situations, at times, arise at the early stage of marriage. Not because there is no love at the courtship stage of the circle. But this is due to the possibility of obscurity between lovers at the initial stage. Usually, before marriage, the true character and nature of lovers are not conspicuously disclosed. Both will be exhibiting artificial character and appearance to impress each other. Notwithstanding, some still maintain their natural appearance and style. It usually falls within those elements that would not manifest at a glance. Obviously, the early stage of marriage can sometimes be characterized by challenges. Therefore handling early marital challenges is relevant. And must not be despised at the expense of harmony in marital life.
In most cases, this unfriendly situation is a result of anxiety on the part of lovers. Some lovers at the courtship stage get unnecessarily engrossed with love. Therefore lost the ability to study and understand the nature of their partner in love. Some young people rush into marriage, not minding deficiencies in the character of their partners. On the premise of ignorance, some people are entrapped by simple flattering, status, and physical appearance. Consequently, the effect can be so nasty and harmful to their marital life.
Many challenges are likely to surface immediately after marriage. Some of which may not emanate during courtship. A considerable number are due to influence. Of course, all these are insidious to the bliss and strength of love in marriage. At any rate, the following are major areas of challenges peculiar to early marital life:
Major marital challenges peculiar to the early stage of marriage
Character
Where the real character of one’s spouse is revealed after marriage. Something different from what was displayed during courtship. Commonly, characters are deceptively tailored towards suitability. This can always result in a problem when the real character surfaces. For instance where a lover pretends to be a saint during courtship when in actual fact he is a crook.
Incompatibility in marriage
This is a situation where it is later discovered that both are not compatible. Mostly if the characters of the couple are not corresponding. Sometimes the husband may be humble and the wife may possibly be the proud type. There are cases where couples find it difficult to reach compromise. Marriage in this case is mostly characterized by argument and doubt.
Status inconsistency
It usually occurs when the status of one of the couples suddenly changes. This, consequently, may affect the existing arrangement of doing things in their marital setting. At times one might receive a sudden appointment to a higher office. This may, essentially, require time and effort more than the previous office. Activities in a new office can be more overwhelming. The gentleman stays more in the office than usual. In a situation like this, the spouse must display good understanding. Otherwise, it could lead to a fracas resulting from changes in the existing arrangement. It does happen when love joins people of different standards together.
Financial incapability
Where the husband can no longer cope in terms of expenses. Often some lovers( guys) act beyond their means during courtship. But on the contrary, when they enter marital life it becomes impossible. Sometimes in an effort to win the heart of a lady, some guys boost their ego beyond their elastic limit. The implication is that such guys find it difficult to sustain the same act in marriage. In most cases inability to sustain financing is peculiar to early marriage.
Personal past
Problems do occur when a spouse’s past history is found to be discouraging. Mostly when it is discovered after getting married that his/her spouse was once wayward. Especially where a spouse is reported to have gotten a child in the past. It can be so disappointing and might damage trust instantly. The effect of bad antecedence can be very devastating to their marital life.
Inability to satisfy one’s partner
Both husband and wife have the responsibility to satisfy each other in bed. And as such any challenge in this regard constitutes incompetency. It has a direct effect on their relationship. For this reason, some secret fights can emanate. Inactive in this area often results in a critical problem. Anyone who is not sexy against the wish of his/her partner will soon be despised. Usually, the reason for such a dispute can hardly be disclosed to a third party. For instance, deficiency on the part of men demoralizes their spouses.
Existence of a third party
Young couples ignorantly allow third parties into their marital affair. A whole lot of marital issues remain private and not meant for any third person. Unnecessary invitation of in-laws occasionally results in problems. Particularly in the early part of marital life.
Issues of childbearing
Cases of inability to conceive or pregnant a woman sometimes occur at the early stage of marriage. And this often leads to problems in marital life. Highly demoralizing. To a greater extent, the challenge is beyond individual knowledge. Unless the cause is medically diagnosed, both will be apportioning blame to each other. Before now infertility incidence used to be a problem with less than a 50% chance. But not now.
Hidden fact
An extreme situation where both lovers will refuse to open up. Both parties will not be comfortable disclosing the reason for the problem.
Factors responsible for marital challenges in the early stage of marriage
Factors and solutions
Many factors are usually responsible for challenges at the early stage of marriage. Hence, young couples are often encouraged to have ideas and solutions to challenges that are more peculiar to the early stage of marriage.
Shallow courtship
Because of a short period of courtship, no time to study the character of a lover. Character is an element to be properly studied. This will enhance good decisions before venturing into marriage. Though to study and discovering character is not only about time, but the level of inquisitive. Some people are naturally deceptive, making it difficult to understand their nature and character.
At the courtship stage, lovers should try to understand themselves. To court for a considerable time is very important. As this gives chance to make adequate observations. Through this, one can have an idea about his/her lover’s medical status. Moreso, relevant information about his/her background can be known. Major information about his/her past can be unfolded during this period. With all these, one can have adequate insight into his/her nature as a person.
Hidden fact
Some lovers deliberately withhold certain relevant information from their partners. Importantly, such facts are crucial to the existence of their marriage. Refusing to disclose such can be so disastrous to their future relationship. Many facts about one’s spouse are not likely to be unfolded until after engagement. At that time it can be very hard to reverse the decision.
Not that all pasts are bad, but because you fail TO DISCLOSE SOME IMPORTANT INFORMATION to your partner early enough. There is nothing wrong with making it known to your future partner that you have a kid for your former lover. For it can be disappointing if later discovered. When this happens, trust is usually affected.
Though some people can be so secretive, a concerted effort in a way of inquisitive can be helpful. Some hidden information can be sourced through his/her friends and associates. Through the internet, some valuable information is also in the public domain. Establishing a friendship with some of his/her relatives is another source of information. Unless one is careful and diligent it can be difficult to source some information during courtship. Above all, it is expected that all relevant information is disclosed possible before marriage.
Lack of discipline
Some marital problems arise due to a lack of discipline. Where someone is purposely involved in some dirty activities, against the interest of his/her spouse. Indiscipline can result in some moral acts, drunkenness, and other acts capable of inflicting disgrace on the family. Again, lack of indiscipline can always make a man, particularly, fondle a young girl or boy. Things like this can upset a spouse who is more conscious of his status and standard. In all, such can bring disrespect. On this note, handling early marital challenges is necessary.
In the case of discipline, a great deal of effort is required. First, Institute a regular discussion on how to make him/her realize his/her deficiencies. If no result is recorded after some time, then take a step by inviting your spouse to any reputable marriage seminar. Thereafter, introduce some marital inspirational books. In case there is no improvement, a seasoned Councillor can be visited.
Lack of trust
Once the existing trust is adversely affected, there is bound to be a problem. lack of trust is one problem that can lead straight to separation if not addressed on time. At the early stage, trust is not usually strong enough, but with patience and maturity. Much later when they understand themselves better in love, doubt and argument will vanish.
Trust is a delicate issue and must be treated with care. It is normally built over a period of time. For this reason, one need to adopt patience and understanding. So it is important to learn to trust one’s spouse. Invite your spouse and let him/her realize your stand as against his/her character in terms of trust. When you notice remorse. In the interest of love and unity, you can put him/her on trial by building a new trust. Trust is one thing that is built over time. Therefore handling, trust, as one of the early marital challenges strengthens relationships.
Infidelity
This arises when one is no longer faithful to his/her spouse. It is a fact that some people do not have a genuine love for their spouses. It occasionally happens when a new couple is still in touch with their old lovers. Sometimes this happens due to lack of contentment, Lack of satisfaction, lack of real love, and indiscipline. This can lead to circumstances where an aggrieved party will no longer be consistent.
Infidelity is a negative action against trust, unity, and the progress of marital life. However, unless this is established, it might be difficult to push for correction. You don’t have to act on unfounded information, it can be disastrous. Endeavour to get good evidence. Thereafter, you can confront him/her. Not in a violent manner but, with a high sense of maturity. Let your countenance depicts seriousness. Finally, warn him/her to desist from any ungodly acts in the interest of love. Watch and note the best and appropriate time to do this. Above all, note that there is no perfect situation in marriage, lapses can come from either way. Every home has its peculiar challenges. Tackle yours in an appropriate manner.
Lifestyle
Changes in the lifestyle of a partner due to the influence of friends or bad company. Certainly, problems will ensue if the changes do not go down well with his/her spouse. There may be problems if the new style does not add value to the family.
Call on your spouse at the appropriate time. Gently table your grievances and your concern for your marital life. Let him/her know that you are not pleased with his/her present lifestyle. Launch good reasons why he should maintain the status quo or make an improvement on his previous lifestyle. Advise him/her to shun a bad lifestyle.
Infertility
At the early stage, both should discourse and arrange to visit a medical doctor (gynecologist) for advice. Follow medical instructions and act accordingly. Importantly it is wise to attend necessary seminal and obtain advice before marriage. This provides them with the opportunity to have forehand knowledge about medical fitness, including genotype and other related challenges.
General ADVICE to young couples
The problems and possible causes are meant to be addressed. Efforts need to be intensified in order to forestall or minimize the effect. Therefore identifying challenges in the early stage of marital life and their causes is important. To have challenges is not the problem. But the inability to proffer solutions can be worrisome. Obviously, challenges are part of marriage. So don’t get unnecessarily frustrated.
Unfortunately, there is nothing bad and smelling like problems without a solution. Personally, I feel sick each time lovers or couples expose their privacy. Looking for a solution elsewhere. When in actual fact solution is in their custody. But because they fail to work on their potential. With understanding, patience, and maturity the whole marital problems can be resolved. Essentially without a third party. Except where the idea is not working due to some peculiar challenges. Then one can seek appropriate assistance.
A lot of problems are meant to be solved during courtship. In the process, both lovers must have studied and understood each other. They both have the opportunity to discover their individual dos and don’ts. The character and nature of each other are well known before marriage. Though some characters may possibly be hidden at the courtship level. What is important is to reveal relevant information to your partner. This way, future rifts can be prevented.
Communicating one’s feelings and dissatisfaction with one’s spouse is very necessary for marital life. Through communication, handling early marital challenges can be much easier.
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