In a relationship, cooperation exists when a couple run their marital affair in agreement. Maturity and understanding in marriage foster unity and meaningful growth of the family. It means individual efforts are jointly dispensed in the same direction. The underlying fact is their ability to function in one accord. However, companionship becomes interesting when parties align for the same objective. So it is, when husband and wife work together in the interest of their matrimony. Their staying together will strengthen marital bonds, and the love will become more robust. The affair is managed without interference. More especially, without a third party. As such, they will enjoy wedlock’s bliss and their marriage will succeed. To experience a quality marriage, you might need to understand why cooperation is missing in some marriages and how to fix it.
Generally, several reasons or factors are responsible for why cooperation is missing in some marriages
Usually, cooperation gives room for people to operate together with a common intent to accomplish a shared goal. This shows that the quality and the quantity of output will double. Of course, two are better than one. The importance of working together in marriage is established when God said that it is not good for man to be alone, Gen 2:18. This is a statement that orchestrated the coming of a partner. It shows that the husband and wife are in partnership. Therefore, both need to coexist and work together to accomplish God’s purpose for them. Cooperation at any capacity encourages unified effort. Consequently, cracks in the marital wall can be prevented.
Reasons why cooperation is lacking in some marriages
Surprisingly, cooperation does not exist in some marriages due to certain practices, lifestyle, characters or ideas that do not support harmonious relationships. However, several reasons are usually responsible for it. Many couples are ignorant of these factors. Their existence would utterly prevent cooperation between two people. Of course, each of these elements will often discourage either of the parties from cooperating. The following, therefore, are some reasons why working together can be so challenging between husband and wife.
Individual Selfish interests within a wedlock
The spirit of cooperation will always be discouraged in any setting where members are practising selfishness. Likewise, in wedlock, no cooperation can be sustained when the husband is self-centered. The wife solely considers her interest without recourse to her spouse’s interest. In any of these instances, things will refuse to work well. And cooperation is not achievable in the face of selfishness. In any situation when couples are clouded with selfishness, understanding of why cooperation is missing in some marriages and how to fix it becomes relevant. Marital activities, under normal circumstances, need exclusive cooperation between the two parties in a relationship. It is a matter of necessity if marital growth is their focus.
Ego (self-importance or inflated pride)
Feeling superior to one’s partner in a relationship does not, in any way, strengthen a spousal relationship. It has a direct consequence on the feelings and morale of one’s spouse. It is believed that a typical egocentric person is self-interested and has little regard for others. You won’t expect maximum support from your spouse if you consistently inflate feelings of pride. No doubt, a spouse full of pride won’t be loved. No cooperation will exist in a marriage characterised by ego. Therefore, to address this attitude, both parties need to know and understand why cooperation is missing in some marriages and how to fix it.
Negative external marital influence
A negative influence, particularly from external forces, is the bane of the lack of cooperation in many marriages. Unnecessary involvement of a third party in one’s marriage is often responsible for misunderstandings between some couples. In some cases, bad advice from family and friends is sometimes inimical to an existing marital bliss. However, not that it is outright bad to take advice, but it should be obtained from experienced and knowledgeable individuals. At the same time, people give admonitions according to their experience. Not following the situation on the ground. Mind you, every relationship has its peculiarity. Copying people’s ideas or their ways without reference to your marital setting will not enhance cooperation between you and your spouse. When a couple operate with cooperation, unnecessary marital intruders can be prevented
Lack of communication between a couple
Communication is an essential requirement that closes the gap and brings about a sense of belonging between husband and wife. Resourceful cooperation can only be launched in a marriage when communication flows freely. On the contrary, some married couples never take communication seriously. And this makes them create unnecessary lacuna and doubt. Thus, once a party is denied information in a manner that is detrimental to his/her right, it causes suspicion. Of course, suspicion has a direct impact on trust. So, cooperation is dependent on a free flow of information in every marital setting. Obviously, lack of communication is a major reason why cooperation is missing in some marriages and knowing how to fix it is essential.
When trust is missing in a marriage
Confidence between two parties is a strong pivot upon which cooperation is built. For this reason, trust is an important reason for cooperation. Two people will not find it convenient to work in harmony in an arrangement where trust is lacking. For instance, once distrust is fully established against one of the parties, confidence is damaged. In that wise, cooperation would be difficult to maintain. Trust is a delicate element that requires effective management. Both parties must prevent or avoid any act capable of depleting trust. Trust has to be guided. Therefore, breach of trust between a couple remains a major reason why cooperation is lacking in some homes.
Bad previous experience in marriage
One bad experience of disappointment often contributes to the reason why some people may not want to cooperate with their spouses. Not that they are ignorant of the importance associated with cooperation in a marriage. Unfortunately, they have witnessed disappointment in their marriage. And once bitten, twice shy. A victim of unfaithfulness would like to avoid similar circumstances. You don’t expect any cooperation from your spouse after betraying him/her. The best is to prevent any act of infidelity, otherwise, the existing trust will suffer. It can, as a result, be difficult to mend when the situation is allowed to go bad. Consequently, many things will go wrong.
Things needed to enhance cooperation between husband and wife
Having known the reasons that are ultimately responsible for the non-existence of cooperation in a marriage, you might want to take steps to address that. Your effort will be to work on any of these factors in your relationship. Some of these problems arise due to our way of living. What is essential, therefore, is to eliminate any of these factors that are within our control. At the same time, unhealthy advice from friends and family is better thrown away. Hence, establishing an enviable relationship with your spouse involves the creation of an atmosphere that permits cooperation. Also, a good understanding of cooperation is essential. This gives you adequate insight into what you intend to gain by introducing joint operations with your spouse. To this end, certain factors are key to maintaining mutual understanding in your marriage. Therefore, we shall be treating them one after the other.
Effective communication between husband and wife
Effective communication is, essentially, required between a couple if they must work together for a shared purpose. Necessary information in the interest of their relationship shouldn’t be kept from each other. However, where it becomes necessary to take certain important actions on behalf of one’s partner, such action has to be communicated without delay. This will prevent communication gaps. At any rate, a free flow of communication between concerned parties is crucial.
Openness between husband and wife in a marriage
Transparency in all marital activities builds and consolidates trust. Your partner will thus be encouraged to work freely with you. The willingness to support your ideas and suggestions in the interest of your relationship will double. It is natural to be more active and ready to participate when activities are carried out with some level of openness. By this, doubt is eliminated. Generally, marriage works better when both parties operate with mutual understanding. In marriage, all relevant information is meant to be divulged freely. It is not about superiority. Though men are usually seen as the head of the family, not without the strong support and cooperation of their wives. He is not at liberty to throw her helpmate in the dark.
Faithfulness in marriage
A primary ingredient of a healthy marriage is faithfulness. It is the usual steadfast loyalty that exists between the two partners. The basic fact is that when lovers reach a stage, they will exhibit interest in all affairs of each other. Even in the absence of one, the other will stand for him/her irrespective of the situation. So it is applicable when faithfulness reigns in a marriage. With faithfulness, one must be reliable in marital affairs. Let your yes be yes, consistently, at all times. Usually, divided loyalty in marriage gives room for extramarital affairs.
Respect your partner’s opinion
Opinion is a right at the instance of the owner, so it must be respected. Your spouse has the right to his/her opinion. Though you are not obliged to take it. But because your partner is a stakeholder, his/her idea must be heard. This is where maturity and understanding come in. You don’t have to rubbish your spouse’s suggestions or ideas. A better way of handling such is to be constructive in your approach. Let your wife, for instance, see why her suggestion will not fly. A constructive argument for and against is the way to go when it becomes necessary. Never shun your partner.
Encourage mutual understanding
In a romantic relationship, mutual understanding is the way to go. Husband and wife will always agree if they share an understanding of all issues that concern their relationship. Notwithstanding, there are instances where both parties may differ in opinion and suggestion, but they can always find common ground. With this, cooperation between you and your partner is certain. When mutual understanding has come to stay between a couple, both will recognize why cooperation is missing in some marriages and how to fix it won’t be a problem.
Show sincere appreciation for the efforts displayed by your spouse
It is a good practice and more rewarding when you show appreciation for the efforts displayed by your partner. Let your spouse see that you truly appreciate him/her for the little effort he/she invested in the interest of the family. Of course, it is natural for one to be willing or disposed to do more when the little done is appreciated. This attitude will encourage your spouse to always like to collaborate with you. Cooperation can always be encouraged when parties appreciate each other at every point.
Show sincere appreciation for the efforts displayed by your spouse
For you to enjoy full cooperation from your spouse, you need to form the habit of active listening. Giving real attention to all organs of communication is important in marriage. Never ignore your spouse when showing concern in communication. We need attention at a critical time. Regardless of the content, your partner’s messages must be considered worthy at all times.
“One Angil expressed her experience when she walked away from her husband. She said her husband is naturally a gentleman, who always overlooks issues. But one day, he became another person. He was complaining about the meal she served. According to her, the husband was reacting to the excess salt in the beans. She said instead of listening to him, she walked away. This singular act triggered his annoyance”.
With this scenario, it is obvious that everybody deserves a bit of attention. Listening to your spouse is part of care and respect for the loved one. Communication will not fulfill its main purpose if the message is not received and understood by the target recipient.
Show some level of empathy
One quality that strengthens cooperation and intense love between a couple is the spirit of empathy. You should run your married life with empathy. In every situation, try to have feelings like your partner when in distress. The ability to share your spouse’s feelings and emotions is essential to a deep cooperation in marriage. Practically, your partner begins to appreciate you when you display high level empathy.
