The relevance of in-law
The importance of in-laws in a marital setting cannot be over-emphasized. Their initial existence and direct involvement in the marital relationship arrangement are relevant. And as such, they should be seen and regarded as an integral part of the family. It is not out of place. All in the interest of peace and love. However, in the case of difficult ones, efficient ways to change mothers-in-law’s character become necessary for peace’s sake.
Parents have the right to be taken care of, by their children. Any attempt to shortchange or short circuit the flow of benefits will create a crisis, A consequential effect of this, is outright hatred. Instead, peace has to be maintained at all costs. Efforts must always be intensified to strengthen likeness and understanding between couples and in-laws. At whatever strength, try to understand your mother-in-law. This gives you a clear view of her natural person.
Responsibilities of couples to in-laws
Importantly, couples are encouraged to, first, play their role as children to their parents. An impression that they are waking up to their responsibilities. It is essential that our parents are properly taken care of. Make adequate arrangements for their accommodation, feeding, and healthcare. All these among others are paramount to their well-being.
Having carefully carried out the above responsibilities. A calculated step is required in the arrangement of positions. The position of a spouse is not in any way similar to that of an in-law. A clear understanding should be established of the need to respect in-laws. In reference to some background. It is morally necessary to give adequate respect to in-laws.
The necessary role of in-laws
To a greater extent, fathers-in-law are gentlemen. They don’t have much to do with their sons and daughters-in-law. However. in some cases, they take responsibility as parents.
The relationship between a mother and her child is, normally, everlasting. The nature of which is traceable to birth, breastfeeding, and motherly bond. The natural closeness between a mother and her children is great. Again boys are closer to their mothers. Apparently, this accounts for the reason, why mothers receive more attention from their male children. Of course, mum is usually the confidant of her male children. And as for girls, they mostly have a preference for their fathers.
The issue of mother-in-law, as the case may be, is delicate. Usually, wives’ mothers are more frequent in terms of visiting. The practice of coming to assist, by taking care of the mother and the new baby is not out of order. It is a tradition in some parts of the world. Either of the mothers-in-law has a right to this assignment.
More sacrifice for peace to reign
For various reasons, there are usually disagreement between wives and their husbands’ mothers. Though, there are some instances where both have the grace to like themselves. Experience shows that it requires a great deal of sacrifice and understanding for them to agree. Reasons for this kind of disagreement vary. Certainly, for peace to reign, the husband must be up and doing. He needs to be proactive in addressing issues. On the part of the wife, she needs to bridge the gap through peseverance and accommodating. Learn to overlook issues that are insignificant.
“In a bid to resolve and establish a permanent solution to a marital issue. Disputes consistently happen on every visitation by his mother. Though it takes two to tangle. But until she leaves, the couple remains in a terrible quarrel. Surprisingly, the reason remains obscured to the couple. However after much careful finding. The reason behind the dispute was disgusting. Terribly bad and smelling.
She was not loved by her mother-in-law from the onset. Presumably, on account of a traditional belief. Therefore she took a bold and insidious step to frustrate her. Highly coded and too obscured to uncover.
The wife was not patient enough. So she could not really convince her spouse. She possibly lacks understanding, particularly, on how to handle issues. All she needed was to watch keenly, in order to determine where the evil wind was blowing from. ‘Studying how snake operates required great patience and courage.’ Apart from its venom, a snake is naturally skilful. Beware! a prey cannot be as clever as its predator. The antidote is to be watchful and smarter.
The husband could not appropriately hold the balance of judgment. Hence he behaved irrationally and put all blame on his spouse. ”
Unfortunately, we have some funny instances where some mothers-in-law behave very unfriendly. Examples of this are as follows:
Where mother-in-law is unnecessarily struggling to cook food for her son. In some instances, the claim is that they want to prepare the type of food their son was fed with.
Where mother-in-law has an interest in all discussions going on between couples. Irrespective of the nature and level of marital discussion. She will always stand by to listen to their discussion.
Where mother-in-law often intrudes into the privacy of the couple without invitation. Some in-laws enter the couple’s room uninvited.
Where the mother-in-law makes unnecessary gossip about the wife to her husband. Sometimes it could be about her dressing and makeup etc.
Well, there are some instances where the reverse is the case. A good number of spouses would not want their in-laws to come closer. Do we now say that mothers-in-law should not come around? If yes, this can be ascribed to lack of love, intolerance and accommodating. Particularly if the in-law is a nice one.
Where in-laws grossly detest her son’s wife. Such in-laws can go out of their way to intimidate, beat up or disgrace their son’s wife. It is a fact that some in-laws cannot be satisfied. Irrespective of your love and efforts. How best to handle in-laws depends on your understanding. The fact remains that you need to be nice.
At any rate, ensure that you do not lose the grip of your spouse and the love remains intact. Efficient ways to change mothers-in-laws’ character depend on the individual home. See the following effective ways:
Perceive your mother-in-law as your real mother
All mothers should, ideally, be perceived as one. For all mothers do have similar and same feelings toward their children. Hence the need for mothers day. When you genuinely see your spouse’s mother as yours, you have simply proved your worth in gold. That you have what it takes to be her son’s wife. Stretch a hand of fellowship and maintain peace with her. Never hesitate to say I am sorry when it is necessary The onus now rests on her, to prove her worth as a good mother-in-law.
Develop a keen interest in her health condition
Having a genuine kin interest in somebody’s health condition is an indication that you show concern. Bring about suggestions and advice on the best medical service provider. In the case of admission, try and visit her on time. This act of affection and personal concern can change her for the better. Certainly, an unexpected good treatment from one’s enemy can change mind. With this, her disposition towards you might be so impressive. Obviously,
Make regular visits to her
Initiate and support the concept that involves a regular visit to your mother-in-law. Let such visits be regular. The importance goes beyond just visitation. When you cultivate the idea of a regular visit, you are in a way prompting the person not to worry. If the visit is regular, she will not think of coming around so soon. Of course, she has no reason. Note that such regular visits must be in agreement with your spouse. Assuredly, the person you visited yesterday has no reason to replicate it the following day.
Encourage your spouse to acquire quality accommodation for her
Consider her accommodation, including amenities. All things being equal, secure a good accommodation in a location of her choice. Get necessary amenities with an emphasis on your financial capability. Furnish as appropriate. All these will make her really want to stay at home. Essentially, almost all her needs are available. By this, she will see you as a kind and loving person.
Let her feel free when she comes for visitation
Where it becomes very necessary to visit you and your spouse. Then the reason(s) attached must be genuine and almost inevitable. In this case, she has a good reason for coming. Remember that she probably must have discoursed this earlier with her son. So, don’t worry yourself. Just let her feel free. She has no reason to stay beyond necessary.
Let her have free access to her son
Let her have free access to her son — It is good to be factual. Mothers love their male children more. And as such always like to be very close to them. This is possibly one of many reasons why often, they chose to come around. Most of the time their male child is their confidant. They have plenty of things to discourse. Therefore when a situation like this comes to play. All you need is some level of understanding. Give her a chance to rejoice and feel at home with her son. Remember no matter the closeness or relationship, she is never his spouse. And she cannot be, so let her feel free. She will soon go back to her place. By this, you have launched one of the efficient ways to change mothers-in-law’s character.
Observe her style of life and present gifts accordingly
When you know somebody very intimately, you will understand him/ her better. For instance, if my friend asks for sugar in place of salt, I will oblige him. You never can tell, he might want to make an experiment to put sugar inside rice. Well, it could even be a practice, to put pepper inside ice cream. Study her very intently and occasionally present gifts in accordance with her practice and belief. Gift normally gladden the heart and increases love. To present a gift is one of several efficient ways to change mothers-in-law’s character.
Managing misunderstandings between mothers-in-law and wives
Managing situations in case of misunderstanding between mother- in law and wife can be worrisome. And as such, it takes patience, wisdom and a whole lot of sacrifice. Incidentally, both of them are relevant in different ways. Be calm to study the situation and determine the root cause of the problem. Nevertheless, should you confirm that in-law is somewhat difficult, then take a step. Importantly, it is worthwhile to adopt efficient ways to change mothers-in-law’s character.
Chasing out mothers-in-law is not the way to go, but unfortunately tolerance has limit. A frequent disagreement between the two result t hatred. The husband needs to wise up and consider various efficient ways to change mothers-in-law’s character
My name is Muyideen Elemoro. I am a Nigerian from Ibeju -Lekki Local government in Lagos State. I reside in Abuja, Nigeria.
I am a retired Civil Servant. Presently, I am a marketer and Blogger.
Essentially I write on marital and other related issues. I engage, as a part-time, in Marriage seminar and other related issues.