Reconciliation becomes difficult in a marriage when both parties resist all efforts to address marital CONFLICS. In such cases, attempts to resolve issues will be frustrated and rendered ineffective. It happens when the affected couple is deliberately or unconsciously working against all possibilities to address conflicts. This makes the whole marital affair displeasing to both parties, and the children consequently suffer greatly. As a matter of fact, difficult conflict is a reason why cooperation is missing in some marriages. In any relationship where differences are allowed to degenerate due to ego or carelessness, it often has consequential effects on all parties involved in the marriage. In-laws, siblings, friends and family from both sides won’t be happy over the entire scenario. However, efficient ways to handle difficult conflicts in a marriage are urgently needed to prevent further damage to the relationship. Practically, reconciliation is efficient if the desired result is enduring and can stand the test of time.
Thank you for reading this post, don't forget to subscribe!Conflict as part of marriage
It is natural for both husband and wife to, occasionally, have misunderstandings. The level and nature of the differences usually determine the reaction on both sides. There are occasions where delicate issues that can, consequently, upset a marriage are handled gently. Not because the offence is not onerous, but because the concerned party choose to be gentle about it. In another time, some negligible issues that can be easily overlooked are treated with a high degree of discontent. In that sense, the reaction of one or both parties may constitute a war-like situation if not carefully handled. Consequent upon this, if care is not taken, the occurrence will degenerate, and things will begin to go wrong and eventually go out of hand. Therefore, when marital conflicts reach such a level, they can be sour and difficult to resolve. At that stage, effective resolution is required to manage the situation, with the intention of bringing both parties to their original platform. Of course, it’s a task that can be somewhat difficult to achieve. In a way, reconciliation can be tackled either internally or through external effort.
Handling reconciliation via internal or external method
There are several ways through which marital conflicts can be resolved. Here, it is classified into two for convenience. Depending on the situation surrounding the occurrence, conflict can be effectively handled in either of the ways. It is not a question of option per se. What really determines which one to adopt is, sometimes, the extent or causes of the problem.
If anyone really wants to efficiently resolve difficult conflicts,, without betterness, knowing the root cause of the problem is really important. You possibly won’t have a profound result if the root causes of the problems are not intentionally identified. Once this is handled inquisitively, the likelihood of recurrence is quite minimal. Though misunderstanding is part of a relationship, it is better if you reduce the possibility. Intrinsically, you can always avoid or reduce those known elements that can trigger annoyance in your partner in a relationship.
Resolving a difficult disagreement between husband and wife can be tiring. However, conflict in this capacity is better tackled through external efforts or internal arrangements. Both can always provide more efficient ways to handle difficult conflicts in a marriage.
At any capacity, knowing the causes of the problem is relevant to reconciliation.
Resolving conflict through Internal arrangement
On several occasions, marital disputes are settled secretly between husband and wife. Typically, they don’t need a third party to get that done. It is wholly an internal arrangement. A true consensus can always be established ultimately to address all manner of disputes in their relationship. Whatever method is adopted in a bid to correct wrong is for good. On rare occasions, children do come between their parents in an attempt to reunite them. It happens.
Where a couple intentionally agree to resolve differences
Conflict can be handled without involving an outsider or a third party. This often happens between a couple if they actually want to call off the dispute. Misunderstandings between two parties in a marriage could be effectively resolved if both agree to do so, particularly in the interest of love. When it is agreed upon, the result can be fascinating and wonderful. No blame goes to either of the parties. It is a question of win-win. Don’t be surprised that Lovers could resolve conflicts unconsciously. For instance,” one of my senior colleagues made it clear to me that once a woman allows her husband to have sex her, irrespective of the nature of the conflict, it is automatically resolved. And their married life continues like before”. In fact, resolving conflict between two parties without a third party strengthens the relationship. The fact is that, either they resolve it deliberately or unconsciously, it is 10 times better and more honourable than inviting an outsider. To some extent, resolving marital conflict through personal effort of the couple is one of the most efficient ways to handle difficult conflicts in a marriage
When a couple take responsibility to resolve differences
It is not out of order for lovers to resolve marital issues without a third party. All it requires is the ability to display maturity and understanding in their marital dealings. If they really want to settle their differences in the context of love, no third party is needed.
Reconciliation is usually intentional if both parties are moving toward resolving the differences. And because the causes of the dispute are known to them, it is quite easy to address them holistically.
“A woman I met in a wedding ceremony revealed to me that she never allowed misunderstanding to tarry for 1 hour in her marriage. She said the reason is that she carefully studied her spouse and later discovered his dos and don’ts. With this, she could manage all differences without any form of altercation. According to her, if you are skilful in your romantic life, resolving issues won’t take long, provided you are living together. The same can be challenging if a couple are living separately or apart”
Involvement of children in resolving a marital conflict
Another strong way is when children decide to wave in with the intent to bring their parents together. It can be intentional, and sometimes it happens out of necessity. The two are effective, but do not have the same procedure.
Children’s intentional involvement in settling disputes
For instance, a grown-up child can always call the parent to attention and make them realise that what they are doing is wrong and not in the interest of the entire marriage. The involvement of children is more effective when they perceive themselves as partner in progress in the family. Surprisingly, this attitude is more peculiar to girl children. Perhaps because of their nature, they tend to see issues from a more mature perspective. Boys are usually inclined towards their mother, and because of that, they are always in support of their mother. This idea makes them lose focus and miss the right approach to issues at stake. When children choose to wave in, the result is often one of the most efficient ways to handle difficult conflicts in a marriage.
Reconciliation happens out of necessity
Occasionally, reconciliation happens out of necessity, usually when something unexpected happens. Such a thing will force both parties to see the need to settle their differences. It’s not something planned for. An example is when a child falls sick during the period of their conflict. At any rate, it is done on both of them to take a collective action to ensure adequate care for their child.
“Let me give you an incident that happened with a family friend, Mr and Mrs Parkinson. The wife acted on a rumour that her husband was dating his secretary in the office. It was revealed that this activity was responsible for her husband coming home late. Mrs Parkinson acted on this false information and started fighting her husband. The situation became worse, and they were not talking to each other for a long while. All efforts to settle the issue failed. As God would have it, during that situation, their son, James, had an accident when coming back from school. He had a terrible fracture in his left hand. The doctor called the wife and husband separately. Both of them met at the hospital. The wife was with the doctor when the husband rushed in. They had no option but to resolve their difference unconditionally. No outsider involvement”.
Reconciliation of marital issues via external arrangement
What is obtainable after you find it somewhat difficult to reconcile with your spouse is to engage the service of a skilful outsider. Of course, this practice comes into play when personal effort is not working, and the situation is getting worse by the day. At this stage, one of the parties might have started experiencing love frustration in a marriage. And this is all the more reason why stride step becomes essential to prevent things from getting out of hand.
To some extent, the kind of outsider you want to invite depends on your preference. You might want to consider a professional counsellor. However, that is a paid service. On the other hand, some people have their reasons for inviting some knowledgeable and mature people around. Clearly, people in this category are not professional, but they have experience in relationships matter.
Inviting knowledgeable, experienced and mature people around
In fact, some couples prefer to engage a certain class of people to mediate in their marital conflict. One good reason for doing so, according to a couple that I met sometime in Lagos, is that they give advice. The wife explained that some mature married men and women who have gathered experience in marriage usually bring forth various examples during mediation. They don’t just settle disputes; they go ahead and advise couples on how to handle similar situations next time. She added that, once such people are invited, they handle the couple like their own. And because of their knowledge and understanding, marital issues are handled with empathy. There is clear evidence that people in this category have gained experience in marriage. And this is one quality that makes them be rated as one of the most efficient ways to handle difficult conflicts in a marriage
Engaging a Relationship Counsellor
Consulting a professional relationship counsellor is a way to go if marital differences are becoming too difficult to resolve. When all efforts to mend the situation have been thwarted and seem not to be effective, then you might need to consider a consultant. Though it’s optional, there are a lot of benefits to enjoy from a professional service. The underlying fact about the service and the individuals involved is that they are neutral, confidential, and rebuild trust in your relationship. Basically, because of their training and experience, you are sure of a good result by the time they are true with your issue. They are skilful in promoting relationship strength, improving communication, and decreasing emotional avoidance. No doubt, counselling in this capacity is a paid service. There is always a professional charge attached to their service.
Allowing In-laws to mediate between a couple
In-laws are sometimes considered a good instrument for reconciliation in some marriages. Their efforts and influences usually have a profound effect on their children’s marriage. It is so because of the parental care and bond that exist between parents and their children. Under normal circumstances, parents can be very useful in improving the marriage conditions of their children. On a positive note, when parents decide to function as mediators in marriage, the outcome is usually superb. Not only that, they like to follow up in order to make sure that the marriage is working.
Nevertheless, some people don’t see any reason for involving in-laws in their marital affairs. This could be a result of the kind of relationships the couple had with their in-laws before marriage. Normally, the relationship ties between a couple and their in-laws are dependent on how they perceive one another. According to a research publication on In-law relationships before and after marriage, Individuals may hold positive and negative expectations of how their In-law ties will be developed and change once the wedding takes place. With this, the bride and groom may harbour fear that in-laws will be intrusive.
