How to manage Ex Lover

Managing Ex Lover can be difficult especially when one of the parties has remarried. But because there was once a relationship between the two, a link is already established. Making it possible for them to meet for some reason. Though they are no longer in any marital relationship, they are not enemies. They always find a way to exploit the link, usually, for purposeful need. Therefore, in the incident of remarrying to another person great care and wisdom becomes necessary on how to manage Ex Lover.

When a couple eventually separate for any reason, it is an indication that the wedlock is broken. Ideally, they aren’t supposed to have anything in common. Unfortunately, there are some exceptions. There are genuine reasons that often necessitate their coming together. Not in terms of love, but for responsibilities and a whole lot of other bona fide reasons.In most cases, the rationale behind this act may be compelling and of good conscience. However, no matter the situation, the new marriage deserves much respect. Activities involving a former wife or husband are alien to the new relationship. As such, the new spouse detests the coming around of the former. Not many people will want to entertain the coming around of their spouses’ Ex.

Ordinarily, the new wife is entitled to adequate and quality attention; free from interference. All forms of marital intruders must be prevented. The coming around of the former wife or husband often leads to marital dissatisfaction. For a new marriage to be free from acute displeasure, certain things need to be guided against.

Four things to avoid in managing one’s Ex

You were once in love with a person, now regarded as your Ex. The relationship between you ended the very minute you called it a quit. Meaning that you are no longer in any serious relationship. The moment you remarry or he remarries; a new life commences. Old things are henceforth passed away. Because of the new relationship, it is your responsibility to prevent all acts capable of disturbing your new partner. In fact, you have to be proactive to forestall nuisance in your new home. Consequently, you need to avoid unnecessary relationships with your Ex. So, learning how to manage ex Lover is relevant, if you are contending with one.

Avoid visiting your Ex once he has remarried

Why visit your former spouse when you know that he has remarried? Usually, such a visit brings about a disagreement between husband and wife. In the first place, your presence as a former wife in the new home of your Ex creates marital hatred. And the trust is immediately affected. The new wife begins to doubt her spouse. ‘Perhaps my husband still loves this woman, is a thought that often pervades such a person’s mind. However, if the wife fails to show understanding and maturity things can begin to wrong. Then, the husband needs to be very smart to explain and thereafter tender an unequivocal apology to his new wife.

”A middle-aged woman approached me for advice on how to deal with her husband’s ex-lover. She referred to the woman as an intruder. She said the last time the woman came into her marital home she met her sitting right on her husband’s legs. What a nonsense! She noted that the woman is still in love with her husband”.

The best way to avoid this kind of situation is to prevent any serious contact with your Ex. Otherwise, you will be seen as a cheat and an unserious person. A question as to why you both separated in the first place, will be raised. Coming closer can reopen the already closed chapter. And this does not accord due respect to your new relationship.

Never invite your Ex to your matrimonial home

It is a bad habit to invite your past lover into your matrimonial home. Obviously, it depicts disrespect to your spouse. And the act can result in doubt and absolute distrust. Inviting your ex-lover is an indication that you still have interest. Not many people will be kind enough to believe your excuses. If you truly cherish your new spouse, you have no business with your former lover. However where it really becomes inevitable, then schedule the meeting elsewhere.

Do not discourse your new relationship with your Ex lover

Your new relationship is sacred and the partners involved should be respected. Everything about you and your new bride or husband is exclusive. Issues in and around your relationship are not meant for a third party. So, why escalate your marital affair with your past lover? Can she add value? It is a fact that as an individual, she may be of a good mind. But you don’t know her new associates. To a greater extent, marital conflicts are better resolved without a third party. Unprofessional external advice can be malicious and, end up, creating a crack in your marital wall. All are better handled when you are skilful on how to manage ex lover.

However, if there is any reason for you to discourse a bothering issue, then visit a counsellor. You will be well guided and your secret will remain secret. In the end, your spousal relationship becomes strengthened and the marital journey continues with understanding and maturity.

Do not keep marital secrets with your former spouse

Your Ex can never be a good custodian of your secret. She is not in love with you again. And you never can tell who her new lovers and associates are. For this reason, your secret is not secured with her. At any rate, your spouse is your better half. And as such, he/she is in the best position to keep your secret. However, some people are of the opinion that some Ex handle things better. This can be proved wrong. The moment lovers break the wedlock and eventually separate, no more indivisible entity. Everyone goes on his/her own. They are free to engage with another person. And they share love with a new person.

Exceptions

Much as it is advisable to discourage the idea of visiting your ex-lover, there are exceptions. You might need to arrange for a meeting with your former wife when the need arises. The meeting does not, in any way, suggest a reunion. Basically, it is for a genuine purpose in the interest of peace. Based on this, you will not have a good reason for not attending to issues that join both of you together. You only need to apply the principle of maturity and understanding in marriage. Some reasons for occasional meetings between the two are explained below:

Parental responsibility

This comes into play if there are children between you and your former wife. Of course, issues bothering on care and upbringing of children are paramount. And it must be considered a normal parental responsibility. Incidentally, you are obliged to respond to any call concerning this. However, depending on the arrangement you agreed upon, the meeting will be scheduled when the need arises. It doesn’t matter the location, but not necessarily your new marital apartment. Get insight on how to manage ex-lovers and some of these challenges will no longer be there.

Legal Influence

Occasionally, certain issues involve legal obligations. Mostly when the court places one or two responsibilities on a man to perform in the interest of peace after separation. On account of this, a man is obliged to carry out court injunctions accordingly. Often, such a directive is in favour of women. However, it is easier when the arrangement is in place to perform court directives without necessarily meeting themselves.

A situation like this happens if a woman argues with evidence that her spouse is indebted to her. The law will rule that the amount involved be paid to the woman. Possibly the amount could be settled on an instalment basis.

”A man brought a case of separation to court. He alleged that his wife was becoming difficult to stay with. And for no good reason, she has succeeded in slapping him three times. At all costs, the man pleaded for divorce. After investigation, it was discovered that the man had some blame. At the same time, the woman claimed with proof that the man owed her money. She explained that she supported him with 40% of the amount paid for the house they both occupied. In the end, the court ruled that he should pay her the 40% mentioned and some amount in addition and all in accordance to the law”.

Though they separated, but the man could not pay the money at once. He, eventually, spread the money for years. And for this reason, there is a need for meetings between them. The arrangement, unintentionally, creates a link that often occasions their meeting.

Complications

In carrying out some of these obligations, some avoidable complications arise. These challenges will be conveniently divided into two as discussed below:

Resistance from the new spouse

A lot of reactions are generated from the new relationship. This is due to a certain mix-up or mindset. Usually, the new wife or husband doesn’t appreciate the presence of the ex-lover. And what is responsible for this disposition is the fear that the old love can rejuvenate. They are always scared of the possibility. If you notice that your new spouse is reacting, then you need to distance the old lover from your new relationship. In that case, you require a bit of knowledge on how to manage your ex-lover.

Lack of suitable arrangement for meeting one’s Ex

Since it is an established fact that there is a possibility of a reaction from the new spouse, a careful arrangement is imminent. In a situation like this, wisdom, understanding and maturity are required. You do not necessarily need to invite your Ex-spouse into your new home. A more convenient location can be arranged. By this concept, nobody is disturbed. It all boiled down to one’s ability to understand how to manage ex-lover

Personal attachment to former spouses

Some women after separation still believe that they have absolute rights to their former husbands. In some cases, former wives damn the consequence and hang around with their Ex. Furthermore, there are cases of romantic affairs between the two. But it doesn’t go that way. Particularly, if your former husband has remarried. He has the responsibility to preserve and protect the new relationship. In any capacity, the new spouse deserves respect. Many times, some ex-wives can be unnecessarily rude, for claiming right after she had exited the marital environment. To withstand her character can be difficult unless one takes time to study how to manage ex- lover.

”In a marriage seminar, an opportunity was given to two people to share their challenges at the early stage of their marriages. A tall slim woman called Jane spoke first. She said she was uncomfortable with the reports of seeing her spouse with his past lovers on several occasions. She explained that her husband denied it when she accused him. Unfortunately, there was evidence each time her friends jammed the two of them. Suddenly Jane became furious and issued a statement of hatred for any man that shows no regard for his new wife. She said the experience was quite unfortunate.”

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